It´s a fact that more and more we are creating bonds of friendship digitally, without meeting them in the physical world. But what are the impacts of this?
Many of us have tried to solidify connections with our support networks while navigating our own personal roadblock.
Some of us have probably also turned to the vast array of online support options as, it is safe to say, many felt the need to create a wider safety net of social and emotional support options.
One of our first responses, when we are faced with a crisis, which can easily trigger anxiety symptoms, may be to seek our support or even our friends. And as well as on social media.
It's human nature to create and rely on a social network, and with the Internet, we've been able to talk to people from all over the world and share our experiences over the last few years.
Some of these relationships may have grown throughout the years and we are even starting to get used to the new routines and work arrangements we are entering.
But are there any differences between traditional (face-to-face) and online friendship? Are there consequences? Let´s see.
Friendship – What is it?
For any relationship to count as a friendship, several factors must be present. This includes mutual affinity, mutual respect, and reciprocity.
There can be many purposes of friendship but the most basic purpose of a friendship is to provide support, similar to family relationships under the best of circumstances. However, friendships are unique as they are completely voluntary relationships, you cannot force a person to be involved with you.
Why does a person attract us as a friend?
Well, the three most common “motivating factors” for friendship development include common interests, activities, or proximity.
However, we also tend to subconsciously measure a new friend's potential "worth" or "suitability" by things like: appearance, status, values, and similarity to ourselves.
Our face-to-face social lives tend to be more impacted by these factors than our online lives.
It's usually very easy to build a support network online through both formal and informal avenues. Whether you're looking for advice on a specific topic or responding to other people's posts or those responding to your own posts on social media.
In an online environment, we are often looking for people who share our hobbies, interests or experiences. We want to connect with people who reflect our passions or feelings about subjects we value, such as social, political or cultural issues.
We also like to connect with those who are going through or doing similar things as we are, like new mothers, people who are studying a specific subject, etc.
Another way we connect is through hobbies, like playing instruments or movie lovers, for example.
Challenges are another factor. For example, personal and health challenges drive us to reach out to those facing similar issues, such as people who want to get rid of an addiction, disease-specific support groups and others.
How an “online” person attracts us
While few of us actually meet online friends in the physical world, there are fewer concerns about “how others see us” and more about what they mean to us and what we gain from the relationship.
If we regularly and consistently visit an online support group or chat group, the more likely we are to start seeing members as “friends”. So, the more time we spend with someone, the more likely we are to start to like that person and feel a connection.
Are secrets more easily shared online?
A benefit of online friends that we can mention is the freedom we feel to share information with those we are unlikely to meet in person. This, therefore, we do not fear later shame or that feeling of “retroactive embarrassment”.
It's like the willingness to share more personal information with others in stalled elevators or the fleeting friendships we meet on a trip.
There is a greater sense of anonymity and less worry about “what will this person think of me?”. It is unlikely that we will see this person very often, so we will not be reminded of our vulnerability and personal revelations.
Our “confessions” are limited to a space that can be contained and shared with people we really never need to be involved with again. For some people, this ends up generating less anxiety, and the conversation ends up flowing better.
So, will these friendships last?
While some online friendships deepen over time and last for decades, there has to be more to the relationship than just a shared preference or experience.
Friendships that flourish require an investment of time, energy, and support. The most important aspect of friendship longevity has to do with the relationship's ability to cope with the dynamic nature of individuals.
People are changing and developing every day. If a friendship is too fragile or based on a single shared commonality, it is unlikely to have the depth and resilience to thrive as each person moves through life.
We all have friends from different stages of our lives. Seeing them can take our minds back to that time when their presence was so valued. But if we don't have enough connections, the friendship won't last.
New online friends in the real world
When we're just engaged in online connections, we're focused on the similarities between ourselves and others. However, when we think about moving into a one-on-one relationship, we can become acutely aware of the differences between us and from our friends online.
Not just the depth of the connection is important. We need to test the will to let the part of ourselves that we share in the “pseudo-anonymity” of the online “show up” in our real lives.
If the bond is built on a love of a travel destination, we can plan a destination. This may become an annual pilgrimage or the experience may lead us to realize that one face-to-face encounter can be enough for a lifetime.
Another aspect of the shift from online friendships to the real world is that when we share online, we do so in the comfort and privacy of our own homes. This brings less insecurity, especially to the shyest people.
We are controlling the audience, the setting and our communications. When we build friendships in face-to-face settings, we are losing any sense of anonymity and being “exposed”. And this, in a way that some online connections cannot survive, for whatever reason.
To sum up, all friendships will be voluntary relationships. We cannot force anyone to be our friend. It's important to remember that some friendships are really reflections of who we were at a certain point in our lives.
And that goes for our digital friends too. It takes more connection, depth, and a desire to share for friendship to last.
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