“I’m not good enough”, “I don’t deserve it”, “I can do it”. These are among the top ideas that crosses people’s minds over and over again: things that just make them think less of themselves and prevent them from achieving what they want. These thoughts are called limiting beliefs, a conviction you think to be true that limits you in some way. Everybody has a few – or a lot of – limiting beliefs, even if they are not aware of them. What we can see most often are the results: frustration, unhappiness, negativity, fear and lack.
Have you ever heard the story about a baby elephant tied to a fence post? It’s said that as the baby elephant pulls, it fails to break the fence and the rope. After a while, it gives up and makes peace with its fate: it is stuck. Eventually, the elephant grows up and becomes a big, adult elephant. It could easily walk away from the fence if it wanted to. But believing it’s not possible to move the fence, the adult elephant remains tied to it, falsely believing it can never get away. Limiting beliefs work the same way, they put boundaries and limitations on what we perceive to be a reasonable behavior and, as a result, they can keep us from doing important things, whether it’s applying for a dream job, getting a promotion, starting a business, finding the relationship we want, writing a book. But they can also prevent us from doing things that might seem silly, like starting a new hobby, spending more time with the people we care about, trying extreme sports etc.
And the think is: they are just in our head! Maybe others look at you from the outside and they’re sure you don’t have these beliefs. They might be shocked if you admit having these thoughts about yourself. And the same is true for your coworkers or people you admire; you see them as smart, successful people who somehow have it all together, but inside they might be thinking they are a failure. As it’s said, “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”, but we don’t know the inner battles others are fighting.
Many of our limiting beliefs were acquired in our childhood. Because at a young age we're operating in a subconscious state more often, a lot of our limiting beliefs take root in our lives. For example, if your parents used to say that “it’s hard to get money”, “you have to work very hard in order to be successful”, "There's danger around every corner, and you can't trust people outside of the family”, then that got ingrained in your subconscious thinking. Many times, it's not so much what people say, but the messages that we take from their behaviors. We also get these limiting beliefs from relatives, teachers, friends, the media and our society in general. Besides, previous experiences, especially the negative ones, play a huge role too. For instance, if you fall in love and it ends in heartbreak, you might conclude that love always ends in pain. If you get fired unexpectedly in your first job, you might get fearful whenever your boss wants to talk to you, because you believe it will happen again. As we grow older, these ideas are incorporated into our life, keep us stuck in a negative state of mind and hinder us from living the life you truly desire.
If you want to move forward and overcome your limiting beliefs, here are some things you can do.
Identify and write them down
Write down beliefs about anything you feel strongly about and that influence your daily life. Also, think about things you say often that put yourself down:
I’m too old/young for _____
I don’t deserve it
I’m not good enough
What I do is never enough
I don’t know how to start
I’ll never get there
I’m not smart enough
I’m not educated enough
I’m afraid of trying and failing
You have to have money to make money
I’ve already tried everything
All the good ones are taken
There’s not enough for everyone
I have health issues
Another way you can do that is by thinking about your behavior. Situations where you have acted in a negative way or that you take no action can have a hidden limiting belief. For example: “I want to leave my current job, but I haven’t updated my resume yet.” Possible limiting belief: I’m too old to get a new job. “I want to find a life partner, but I'm avoiding online dating.” Possible limiting belief: I’m not attractive enough to find a partner.
In addition, reflect on the areas of your life that are hard for you to make progress. Perhaps you can’t seem to land a well-paid job, or you never have luck when it comes to making money. What erroneous beliefs do you have regarding them?
Attention to words like:
“I do/don't”, “I can't”, “I must/mustn't”, “I am/am not”, “Others are/will”, “____ is how the world works”
What is this limiting belief costing you if you to choose to repeat it?
That’s the suggestion of Mel Robbins, a renowned motivational speaker. According to her, the way we think is a choice and we can either repeat that thought or evolve. She encourages us to think about what it cost us in the past, in the present moment and what it will cost in the future if we continue to think like that.
Create alternative beliefs
Come up with ways in which you may be wrong. Sure, maybe you are older than most people who start a new career, but who says you can’t still be successful? There’s nothing stopping you other than your own mind. With repeated practice in noticing your limiting beliefs and imagining new ideas to replace them, you’ll start to notice the thousands of tiny little decisions you make based on your limiting beliefs without even realizing it.
Positive affirmations
A powerful tool to defeat limiting beliefs is to create positive affirmations. Going back to our previous examples, if you have a belief that you’re too old to get a new job, you can tell yourself: “I have a lot of experience to share”. If you think you’re not attractive enough to find a partner, the positive affirmation might be something like “I’m unique and deserve a wonderful partner”, or “I am respected and loved anywhere that I am.” These new statements can at first seem awkward and unfamiliar, but when an affirmation is said repeatedly every day, they reprogram the subconscious mind from negative to positive thinking. Real change begins in the subconscious, for that's where we can change beliefs that are no longer serving us.
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